if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
