just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
