I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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