I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
