Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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