I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
