We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
