The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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