On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
