I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
