Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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