We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
