dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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