My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
