It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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