He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
