My Higher Power is John Stamos
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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