:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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