hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
