I'm gonna have a badass scar
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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