she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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