She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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