I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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