the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
