Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
