can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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