Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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