i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
