I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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