I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
