can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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