Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
