Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
