I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this boner is exhausting
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
