He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
