Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize