bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
