at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
