I'm jealous of your bromance
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
