It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
