He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
