You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
