Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
