over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
