tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
