i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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