YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
