He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
