if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
