I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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