I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
