oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
