HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
