I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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