i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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