Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
