I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
