dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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