I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
