I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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