Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
