And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
