At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
