I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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