At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
