we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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