that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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