fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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