If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Randomize
