ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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