thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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