barbara walters just said penis...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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