you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
