ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
