Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
