hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
