I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize