if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize