I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
