You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
