I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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