So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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