also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
