Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
