My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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