this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
