I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
