I accidentally burped into my bong.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
