therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
