be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
