Me too!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
