yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
