I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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